essay check 5

Hello

I need to revise my personal statement.

this essay was not organized.

I want that you read my essay then please rewrite by your words about my life and my experience.

or organized

my intro reallly boring….but i want to link fabre and my subject ( really my best book and my inspiration)

bu my logic is very weak…i dont know how to connencting

and not create even boring. I want to change it to alive english. and up level vocab.

i know how difficult revision. so If you can do rewrite I really want it.

Thank you.essay

essay