My essay topic is persuading schools to take students to museums more often.

My essay topic is persuading schools to take students to museums more often. My thesis statement just needs a little revising..

School education would be beneficial with more enhanced learning experiences that inspire students to do extra research, allow students to use more senses, and Helps students better understand the “real world”.

That is my thesis, I think it uses more and student too much but i don’t know what to replace them with. What’s your opinion?

 

 

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